I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
