Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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