I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
