He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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