My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
