I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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