So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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