dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
