"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
