I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
