my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
