does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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