Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
