1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Im at strip club and am horny
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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