this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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