What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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