Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i will never coherently bang her
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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