You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
