tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
