Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
