I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
