your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
