Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
