It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
