We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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