the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
