I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
