I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
