Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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