He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
