She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This baby is an asshole
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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