I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
