We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
