K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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