I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
