Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
