OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
