You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
