Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
