She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
