Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why can't burritos get me drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
