Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
