I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
