i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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