He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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