We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
