marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
