When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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