Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
