I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
