Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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