can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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