i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
